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OLYMPIC QUESTIONS

These are actual questions taken from the Sydney Olympic web site.

Does it ever get windy in Australia?

Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
(Depends on how much beer you've consumed...)

Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to
Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
(Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held
in Sydney.)

I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
(Sure, it's only seven thousand miles, so you'll need to have
started about a year and a half ago to get there in time for this
October...)

Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
(And accomplish what?)

It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
(I'm not touching this one...)

My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will
you let her in? (South Africa)
(Why? We do have toilet paper here...)

Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in
Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (Portugal)

Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)

Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
(Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...)

Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
(No. Everybody stinks.)

Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
(Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages,  and
most national parks...)

Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
(This HAS to have been asked by a blonde...)

Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
(Yes. Gay nightclubs.)

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Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
(Yes. At Christmas.)

Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
(Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.)

Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
(Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.)

Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
(What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?)

Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
(Another blonde?)

Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
(I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia)

Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
(Face North and you should be about right)

Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
(Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing
between Austria and Australia.)

I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
(From Liz Taylor, perhaps?)

Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors?
(Italy)
(Yes. Outdoors.)

I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

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