Cuckoo
Clock
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys".
I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ... promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At
around 2:30 am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got
in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3
times.
Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9
times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick witty solution,
even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her
twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away
with that one!
She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her
why, she said "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then
said "oh @#%$," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed
another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted.
(More great jokes and stories at www.agiftofpoetry.com !)
Brunette/Blonde
Joke
Two
sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to
purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances
their check book, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another
ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her
sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll
contact you to
drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the
man's
ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man
tells
her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she
drives
to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a
telegram
to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need
her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we
can
haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad
to help
her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after
paying for the
bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be
able
to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods,
and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable'."
The telegraph
operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that
you
want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to
haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word,
'comfortable' ?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow."
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Success
Cycle
being successful means:
At age 4 . . . success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 . . . success is . . . having friends.
At age 18 . . . success is . . . having a drivers license.,
At age 20 . . . success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 . . . success is . . . having money.
At age 50 . . . success is . . . having money.
At age 60 . . . success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 . . . success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 . . . success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 . . . success is . . . not peeing in your pants