The Photographer

The Smiths had tried for years to have a
child and not having had any luck, decided to use  a
proxy father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive,
Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man
 should be here soon". Half an hour later, just by
 chance, a door to door baby photographer rang the
 doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam, You don't know me but
 I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. I've been
 expecting you."
Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" The photographer asked. "Well, good! I've
made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have a seat."
"Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith
blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two
in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a
couple on the bed.
Sometimes the living room floor is fun too;
 you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it
 didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good
 one every time. But if we try several different
 positions and I shoot from six or seven
 angles, I'm sure
you'll be pleased with the results."

"I hope we can get this over with quickly." gasped
Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man must
take his time. I'd love to be in and out in
 five minutes but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm
sure."  "Don't I know!" Mrs. Smith
exclaimed. The photographer
opened his briefcase and pulled out a
portfolio of
his baby pictures. "This was done on the
top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my God!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging
at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally
well when you consider their mother was so difficult
 to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith
the picture.

"She was difficult?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take
her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People
 were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a
 good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith,
eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more
than three hours too. The mother was constantly
 squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush
 my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my
 equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they
actually chewed on your eh equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready,
I'll set
up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod?", Mrs. Smith looked extremely
 worried now. "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my
Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm
getting ready for action.

Madam? Madam?... Good Lord, she's fainted!"

:)

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