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Just found your site and I love it!! I have a very special request, or at least something very near and dear to me...
My husband, ++++ and I, have been married one-year on Dec 15. we started out as friends, really good friends. At the time I was still married and had returned to college to get my degree (I was 30 at the time and ++++ was 24; now I am 34 he is 28). Needless to say we were spell bound by one another. The first year was more than wonderful. Sex was endless and just being in one another's presence made each of us feel safe. Then my husband (even though we were separated at the time) started big fights, threatening ++++, hitting me (I have 2 girls with this man and they were terrified) ++++ had a serious relationship before me and has custody of that child, a son, from that relationship (the mother is a drug addict, so she seldom is around) A long web but we finally had a chance to make a go of it; he moved for his job, last Aug., I drove every week-end to see him and we were so spell bound by one another. In December of last year we finally got married, March I moved were he is at, June one of my daughters moved here.... then once again my ex-husband steps in and starts causing problems (in May), I lose my job, my other daughter is so far away and very distant, ++++ no longer listens to me, has sex with me, does the nice things he use to (flowers, gifts, love notes) or acts as if he wants me around , needless to say depression hit me hard. Now we are having the struggle of our life to keep this relationship together. I miss him so bad, I miss his touch, his affection, his smile, his laugh, the feeling of "you are the only one for me", and I am so lonely. He says I went from walking beside him to him having to carry me. I am so hurt and discouraged, I cry continuously and he does not understand why. He acts as if the only 2 people that matter is he and his son; he is almost mean to my daughter and I. I Love this man, I think he still loves me, or the strong me he met 3-1/2 years ago...I just want to know we will be happy again and that everything will be okay!?!? Thanks so much, Kim
A few months later....
Allen, there have been many changes since i wrote that...the major change was that on Dec 21, 1998 i had a major vehicle accident. in that accident i was driving, it was a one vehicle accident, and my 13 year old daughter was killed. needless to say, i felt and feel as if a major part of myself has gone. in the accident i was seriously injured, i honestly should of died...during my recovery period ++++ was there by my side day and night. in march i then found out he was interested in someone he works with; they had been calling one another, etc and her husband called to tell me. needless to say, i felt as if all the moral support in which i had had after the accident was now taken from me. since that time we have strived to improve and fix our situation. my hardest task now is the emptiness i feel from the loss of my daughter. she was my first born, she had laughing blue eyes and a smile that would take away all your worries. i miss her dearly...i miss her laughter, our talks, but mainly just the love. i regret that i did not get to say good-bye, or give her one last hug, or kiss, or "I Love You". how could such a wonderful god deal so much pain and heartache? Thank-you for your reply. Kim
I got married,
then went back to school,
that's where I met Jason,
he was kinda cool.
The first year was the best,
sex was just an endless thing,
we were making the kind of music,
you hear when angels sing.
But then my husband,
(even though we were separated at the time),
started big fights and threatening us,
he was looking for reason, I was looking for rhyme.
Jason had already lived with someone else,
and had custody of that child,
the mother was a drug addict,
and well, kinda wild.
But we had a chance,
to run and break free,
so we moved with his job,
our one chance to be happy.
In December that year,
we finally got wed,
and it was nice once again,
to sleep in a married bed.
But then once again,
my ex husband steps in,
started causing problems,
and fights he could never win.
Then I lost my job,
and Jason seemed to shut the door,
he didn't have sex with me,
he didn't bring me flowers anymore.
He acted as if he didn't want me around,
needless to say, depression hit me hard,
I was growing war weary,
I was becoming battle scarred.
And then I had the accident,
there was only the one car,
I was at the driving wheel,
that day I drove too far.
Because I lost my eldest daughter,
a major part of myself also died,
left no place to run,
left no place to hide.
During my recovery period,
Jason stood by my side day and night,
and although it was a great comfort,
some things just didn't feel right.
And then a couple of months later,
I found out that he was having an affair,
he was no longer supporting me,
he was no longer standing there.
Now we have tried to fix it up,
but I still feel so empty deep inside,
some nights I cry myself to sleep.
Gee ! How I've cried.
You see, she was my firest born,
she had laughing eyes that were blue,
a smile that would remove your worries,
and she'd just know what to do.
I miss her dearly,
I miss her laughter and our talks,
I miss saying I love you,
I miss our morning walks.
I regret that I didn't say goodbye,
or give her one last kiss,
there is not one thing about her,
that I'll never, ever miss.
So, how could such a God,
deal so much misery and pain ?
What is the point ?
What is there possibly to gain ?
I don't know the answers,
but life has to go on,
I'll just accept that some things are not just,
and there'll always be a wrong.
Because I have the rest of my life,
to find a happier way,
and I'm going to start right now,
in fact, I'll start today !
Copyright Allen Jesson 2000
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:)