Please Forgive Me

Background: Dan and Debbie had enjoyed a whirlwind romance but then they had started to drift apart. Enter their respective ex's and they finally put paid to what was a promising beginning. Dan realized what he had lost and asked me to express his feelings. Unfortunately Dan is not allowed to have further contact with Debbie so this poem really speaks from the heart. Dan is basically saying 'Please Forgive Me' but as usual, with A Gift of Poetry, he gets to say a whole heap more. Dan has bravely given me permission to publish his full story….:

What is your name : Dan Munoz
Who do you want the poem written for: Debbie Pavletich
Why do you want the poem written: Debbie and I broke up. I let her slip away, and her ex boyfriend told her lies to make her hate me. now they are back together. i want her back, we were meant for each other. we would be together if i wouldn't have let her slip away and her ex wouldn't have brainwashed her
What style of poem would you prefer (happy, sad, romantic etc.): sad, romantic, heartfelt, apologetic
Please choose which package you would prefer : Deluxe
Would you like a copy of the handwritten drafts : No
What are the key messages you would like to send: I'm sorry i let her slip away, Steve tried to break us up, Lori and I are dead, I love her, and want her back because we were meant for each other. We are soul mates
Do you have any funny, sad, happy, embarrassing or otherwise memorable moments that you would like to share: Her Sayings- "I'll beat your ass" My pet name to her-"cupcake" 
she called me - "hamsome (not a typo)" happy-"first kiss at andiamo's" Happy-Christmas in  Montreal" Happy-"Christmas eve dinner" Sad-"her being sick after surgery and not wanting to be an obligation for me" Sad-"breaking up" Memorable-"me taking care of her during and after surgery" Most memorable-"all of our love making sessions" Embarrassing her-"Bleeding during lovemaking prior to her hysterectomy" embarrassing me-"shitting the bed in Kalamazoo." Happy-"the look on her face when she opened the Ipod i got her for christmas."
Do you have any other comments or thoughts : Dear Allen, To completely understand my unique circumstance I thought I would just start from the beginning of our relationship and basically tell you the whole story and you can take it from there.

Debra Jean Pavletich and I met on My space on September 17th 2007. At the time we met on Myspace, we had both been recently removed from long term relationships. We had both signed up on myspace not looking for a relationship or dating but just to meet new friends. Our first contact occurred when I sent her a message saying "you look familiar, where do I know you from? Sounded kind of corny but I received a reply back from Deb saying "is that just a line, because you look familiar to me too"? From there we began conversing online and getting to know each other thru e mail. We spent almost a month getting to know each other that way, and were both hesitant to start really dating because we were fresh out of long term relationships. Mine was a little fresher than hers.

Our first attempt at an actual date was me inviting her to a Joss Stone Concert. She accepted the invitation, but unfortunately she had to cancel due to a counseling appointment she had for her daughter Paige. I could have invited another girl, but chose to take my mom instead. I made sure to send her a picture from the concert of the two of us so she new I was with mom and not someone else.

From there we continued to talk online and I asked her to dinner for the next attempt. She gladly accepted, but made sure to tell me that she was very cautious about letting new people into her life. We planned to go out, but a couple of hours before she called and said "you're going to think I'm blowing you off", but her daughter Paige had to go to the ER for a burst blood vessel in her arm. She said if I was still interested that so was she but would be a few hours late. I said OK and her comment to me was "don't go anywhere". So I sat at the restaurant across the street from my house called Mr. Nicks, and waited for her call.

She called an hour or so later and said she was ready. We then proceeded to meet at a place near her house called Big Bear lodge. We met in the parking lot for the first time, exchanged hugs and walked in to share a glass of red wine. I was a bit embarrassed because it was hot and my AC wasn't working in my car. I was a bit sweaty when we exchange a greeting hug, but evidently it went unnoticed. I commented on it later but she didn't seem to care. Later in our relationship she frequently commented on how handsome I looked in my glasses and she thought I was very cute. From there we went to a place called silky for a martini, then proceeded to star bucks for last call. It was a great first date, we both felt very comfortable.

Our second date was dinner at a place called adiamos. This is where the sparks started to fly. We had a wonderful dinner there and it was in the middle of dinner that we shared our first kiss. I leaned over slightly, she did the same, and I unexpectedly planted one on her. She always commented after that, that it was the best first kiss she ever had and that it was perfect. From there we went back to my house for a nightcap. Kissed a few more times on my couch, and said good bye. The best part was when I walked her out, we kissed again on my front porch, and she started walking to her car then did a 180 back to the porch and gave me another one. It was so cool.

Date 3 was a trip to Joe Louis arena fro a Van Halen concert on Sweetest day Oct 20th. We had a blast and went back to her house after. I think it was at that time that I whispered in her ear "I have something to tell you". She looked scared and said what? I said "you know I've been pondering something lately…and for the life of me I can't think of any reason you shouldn't be my girlfriend". From there it was on. We made love for the first time that night and from there started to fall deeply in love. She was a bit embarrassed because it was "that time of month" but I told her it didn't bother me at all it was part of being a woman.

Our love blossomed from there. We decided to date exclusively and things just flourished. We expressed our I love you's for each other shortly after with me telling her after a love making session. … "I have something to tell you" again she looked scared, but quickly smiled as I said I'm falling in love with you Debbie.

As our love grew her ex boyfriend started making runs at her. She disregarded his attempts and we continued on. At that point, I was not overly concerned. I felt our love was strong enough to withstand the pursuit by "Steve" and it did. We continued through the holidays and spent a wonderful Christmas together as we both cooked a fabulous meal for our families at my place. We also took a trip to Montreal for my company Christmas party and one of the most memorable meals we had was at a French restaurant in Old Montreal called Mondaves. A funny thing happened at the party. Her shoes didn't fit and she couldn't really get up and dance because they hurt her feet so bad.

Those were the best of times. Everything seemed to be going great until shortly after Christmas we found out that her ex boyfriend, and my ex girlfriend  had started dating. We both thought it was weird but continued on and felt our love for each other would survive the weirdness. Both exes I think wanted each of us back but we seemed to with stand. There was some contact by both of our exes back to us and it started getting weird. It got to be drama of he said she said and her ex was telling her I was contacting my ex, and deb began to get worried I still had feelings for my ex Lori. Her ex Steve started embellishing to deb things like I was having way more contact with my ex and that I wanted my ex back. All of it was untrue. My ex wanted me back but I was having no part of it. I tried to reassure Deb my love for her, but she became increasingly insecure about it.

Deb is by nature a bit needy and insecure. She needed constant reassurance that I loved her and it began to wear on me a bit. There were a few time where she would say "I'm just too busy for her, she didn't want to become an obligation, but I reassured her she wasn't an obligation. After wanting to split up a time or two.I had to "talk her off the ledge" so to speak. I did and things went back to being good.

After the holidays, Deb had scheduled a hysterectomy on Jan 29th. She worried that it could have an effect on our "new" relationship. I assured her it wouldn't and told her I would take very good care of her through the whole thing, and things would be ok. The surgery went well and she was home recovering in a few days. I took very good care of her, and her family thanked me for it as most of them live out of town. A few weeks after the surgery, we took a road trip to see my college son play hockey in Kalamazoo. One of my most embarrassing moments occurred in the hotel we were at. I was suffering from the flu, and this may sound gross, but in the middle of the night I lost control of my bowels. I was so embarrassed for messing the bed but Deb was great and helped me clean up the mess.

After that we returned home. , contact from her ex Steve and my ex Lori increased. The two of them seemed to not be hitting it off real well and they both started contacting us. It was at that time I started to get annoyed by his constant e mails and calls to Deb. He continued to accuse me of pursuing my ex which was not true. He was trying everything in his power to split us up so he could get back with her.

Deb had to go back into the hospital on valentines day, and one day he showed up with flowers telling her how much he was not into his new girl (my ex Lori). He called her loud and obnoxious, a drunk that drank white Russians like they were going out of style, and out of shape. When I got wind of this I got very upset. I told her to put a stop to it. She seemed to but his calls and e mails continued as well as his exaggerations about my contact with my ex. We were both very open about the time they would contact, but there were a few times during her hospital stays and during her recovery that I neglected to tell her about my contact from my Ex Lori. I didn't feel she need to hear that during her hospital stay.

Her recovery at home was tough, I tried to be there as much as I could but with four kids and a demanding job my time was a bit limited. I spent as much time helping her as I could, and she appreciated it very much. However, she started feeling like she was an obligation to me. I had to talk her off the ledge a few more times and it was really starting to wear on me. When Deb retuned to work I started to become a more distant and she could feel it. Meanwhile the exaggerations from her ex Steve about contact between my ex Lori and I skyrocketed. I think deb actually started to believe him despite my efforts to diffuse and deny. At the beginning of March she tried breaking it off again with me. I talked her down and we were still on.

The beginning of the end came on St. Patty's day. Deb being a homebody didn't want to go out and told me to just go out and have fun. Come to find out I think it really made her mad. I got a few sarcastic text messages and it made for a not so fun time out with my friends. At this time I was seriously thinking about just letting her go. A couple days went by and I didn't call her. I finally got an e mail from her telling me she was moving on and that she would miss me tremendously. I probably could have talked her back into keeping it together but I just didn't think I had it in me. I had become increasingly distant anyways.

Easter Sunday I had my kids for the holiday. After I took them back to their mom's house, I was feeling bad. After getting a happy Easter text message from her I called. She seemed very sullen. She was at her house all alone. I invited her over to hang out and talk. She was really looking for me to grab her back and make a much harder push than just "come over and hang out". I honestly think at that point she wanted me to try harder and woo her back in and "make things right" as she put it. Unfortunately I didn't. We did not see each other that day and have not since. At that point I think we were broke up. The relationship just sort of "died on the line". In the back of my mind I thought maybe we should maybe take a break for a while. I didn't verbalize this to her but though maybe that's what we needed.

Meanwhile, My ex Lori had broken things of with Deb's ex Steve. Lori contacted me and invited me over. I figured since Deb and I were broke up, I was clear to visit Lori. Lori was talking about getting back together, finally making it right, getting married…etc, ect etc. after spending the night and leaving the next morning I had a realized my heart was with Debbie. I was feeling extremely bad for not trying harder to keep Deb. I had once been in love with Lori but realized the feelings were gone and really wanted to be with Deb.

Here is where the story gets both weird and complicated. That day I send Deb a heart felt e mail telling her how much I missed her, how sorry I was for not being attentive to her needs, how she was the kindest sweetest thing in my life, I missed her, loved her, and couldn't believe how we had got to this point. Little did I know, she had gone back to Steve. And not only had that but forwarded my e mail to Steve who in turn sent it to Lori after she told him she we were back together and were going to get married. I made Lori look like a fool and deb felt as if I betrayed her.

Even thought I pushed Deb away in a sense, I was floored to hear she was back with Steve. During our time together Deb said so many horrible things Steve did to her during the 3 years they dated. He treated her very poorly, verbally abused her, her family hated him, and that he was lame in the bedroom. Deb and I's sex life was great, she told me I was hands down the best she ever had and there was not comparison to anyone else. During or relationship deb was always afraid of Lori. She accused me a few times of not being over her, but that she was completely and adamantly over Steve. Boy was I fooled.

Our relationship seemed to be perfect until Steve and Lori stared dating. Ever since that time, Steve constantly tried telling Deb I was after Lori. He chipped away and chipped away at deb and had her convinced I wanted to be back with Lori. I totally believe that Lori and Steve dating let to our demise. Steve stopped at nothing to get deb back and used Lori in the meantime. He send Valentines Day cards, e mailed her constantly, and finally in the end I think wore her down.

Finally realizing what I was missing and that Deb was back with Steve, I went nuts. I tried calling, texting, and emailing deb, but she wouldn't give me the time of day. Steve has here brainwashed and convinced I was a liar. All Deb would do is call me a liar that betrayed her. Things came to a head when I called her work and asked for 5 minutes of her time. She refused so I went up to her work when she was getting off. I had a dress of hers she wore to the party in Montreal I was going to return. Steve also shoed up to pick her up. I lost it. She came out of work and I approached her. She told me "not here" I gave her the dress and the skinny wimp Steve tried to get in my face. We got into a shoving match; I could have floored him as I am much bigger than him. I was an ugly scene. I made a fool of myself acting like a jealous idiot. I left, and continued to call her phone land left some threatening messaged toward Steve on her phone. I got an email shortly after telling me if I didn't leave her alone they would file a complaint with the police. I felt like an idiot stalker.

Over the past weekend I begged her give me proper closure. We had the most passionate, loving relationship, we were both totally into each other and all I wanted was to talk for a few minutes. I even went so far as to contact her sister. I told her what happened and she couldn't believe it. She knew we were having issues and totally hates Steve. She was too floored deb was back with him. She agreed to try to talk to Deb. She finally got a hold of her and said Deb was dead set against talking to me, would not hear of it, and did not believe me. I finally got a call from deb (and I'm sure she was in the presence of Steve) she said "you want closure, leave me alone, stay away from me, my family, my work, and I want psycho go get psych on Lori. This was a side of her I didn't know existed.

I sent one last e mail on Saturday. Spilling my guts again. I told her Lori and I had a long conversation the night before and we were totally done, and even Lori told me to follow my heart to Deb. Lori was crushed but knew what we had was gone. I told this to Deb in the e mail and she sent it to Lori. Lori called me and told me about. As hard as it was for Lori she sent back to Deb telling her how much deeper of a relationship I would be able to provide than Steve.

Anyways, I know this is a "novel". Sorry for the twisted complicated story, but I feel like I screwed up letting Deb slip away. She calls me a liar but I don't even know what I lied about. I know her and Steve will only last so long before they break up again. They have a history of on again off again. She won't speak to me now, but I think over time that may change.

Do what you can, I do want her back or at least be able to talk again.

Thanks,

Dan