6. Stress Management
Tip - Live the good life.
7.
Finish Off With A Smile
I hope you enjoy
the newsletter (and the e-books). Thanks for joining !
1. Poem
Of The Week - When I Was Young
An Australian
chip manufacturer ran a forgettable advertising campaign in 1996
that had a theme "When I was young". I think the campaign
was aimed at the younger generation and focused on how older people
often look back through rose tinted spectacles and say things like
"In my day……".
Thankfully the campaign didn't run that long but the thought stayed
with me and over the next six months I would hear or see things that
fitted this pattern. This poem is a collection of those observations
coupled with my own experiences.
When I was young…
When I was young,
I would never be this old,
I was going to save the world,
And hear my story told.
When I was young,
Sixpence was a treat,
Bought tuppence worth a chips,
And a Saturday morning seat.
When I was young,
I was ever so uncouth,
I felt less insecure,
And had the confidence of youth.
When I was young,
I wasn't this fat,
Had a tight little bum,
And a stomach which was flat.
When I was young,
Summer seemed to never end,
And if the question was asked,
You would have died for a friend.
When I was young,
We knew they were only joking,
When they warned us,
About cancer and smoking.
When I was young,
Didn't know the word stress,
And how life, (if you let it),
Can end up in a mess.
When I was young,
Didn't drink on every day,
Didn't need to,
And wouldn't, any way.
When I was young,
I saw men at their machines,
Making shoes for the well heeled,
I wonder what happened to their dreams ?
When I was young,
The good guys would survive,
But I still believed in God,
And Dad was still alive.
When I was young,
A computer filled a room.
Now my typewriter,
Could put a man on the moon.
When I was young,
We didn't have Pay,
There was always the Xmas movie,
And one on Boxing Day.
When I was young,
Comments were sometimes made,
That would now be classed as racist,
But a spade is still a spade.
When I was young,
Nobody had ever seen,
The hole in the ozone,
And the rivers weren't blue green.
When I was young,
AIDS was not about,
And they were still in the closet,
Not daring to come out.
When I was young,
We told Biafran jokes,
Today they're still starving,
Same problem, different folks.
When I was young,
I had more use for a comb,
And life seemed safer,
Nobody invaded your home.
And now I look back,
Through my pair of rose tints,
How do we forget the bad times,
And not the good ones since ?
But the real scary thing,
And I do know this somehow,
Today is what I will long for,
In a few years from now.
Copyright
Allen Jesson :) 1996-2001
2. New
poem packages available
I have refined the poem packages which I
thought could be of interest !
If you would like to
order a poem then please click
here.
3. Joke
Of The Week - Two Men Drinking (a classic !)
Two men sit drinking in the bar at the top of the Empire State
Building.
One turns to the other and says: "You know, last week I
discovered that
if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to
the 10th
floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they
carry you
around the building and back into the window." The
bartender
overhears this, and just shakes his head in disapproval
while wiping
down the bar. The second man says: "What are you, a
nut? There is no way in
hell that could happen." The first man says:
"No, it's true, let me
prove it to you." He gets up from the bar,
jumps over the balcony, and
careers toward the street below. When he passes
the 10th floor, the high wind
whips him around the building and back into the
10th floor window,
where he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The second man tells him:
"You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but
that must have been a one-time
fluke." The first man says: "No, it isn't. I'll
prove it again." And
again, he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the
10th floor wind
> gently carries him around the building and into the
window. Once
upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. The second man
says: "Well, what the hell, it works, I'll try
it." He jumps over the balcony, plunges downward,
passes the 11th floor, 10th floor, 9th floor ... and
hits the sidewalk with a
splat. Back upstairs, the bartender turns to the other
drinker and says:
"You know, Superman, you're a real prick when
you're drunk."
4. Time Management Tip
Be ruthless with time, be gracious with people.
Always make time for people, no matter how busy you are. You can
always ask unexpected visitors to come back if you
genuinely do not have enough time right at that moment. In life,
whether at work or elsewhere, you can learn to spot people that are
time users. They are the ones who stop by the coffee machine or just
pop into your office "for a chat". Nevertheless, be
gracious with these people, say things like "Hey, I haven't got
time to chat right now, how about we talk about this over
lunch?". This way, the other persons feelings do not get hurt,
you get to get on with your work and you also get to talk someone at
lunch !
5.
Enjoy Life Tip
Exercise every day. A walk is fine (and at your
own pace). You will be literally amazed at how clearer your thinking
is and how less stressed you become. Try it for one week and
let me know how you went !
6. Stress
Management Tip
Go
and find a quiet spot where you won't be disturbed for 30
minutes, preferably away from any distractions. Take a pen and
paper. Sit for ten minutes and try to clear your head of any
thoughts. Now, draw a line on your piece of paper, at one end of
the line imagine one dimension of your perfect life. To define
your "perfect" life may be difficult, so start with
something simple - i.e. what type of car would you like to drive
in your perfect life? Let's call this Goal A. Now
draw a circle at one end of your line and write in the
circle whatever you have defined Goal A to be. Now,
decide how close you are to achieving Goal A in your real life.
If you are close then place an "X" near to the Goal A
circle, if you are a long way away in real terms, then place
your "X" further away on your line. Next, imagine the
steps that you have to take to move the "X" nearer to
your Goal. In fact, don't just imagine them please write them
down ! Each step might actually be made up of several sub-steps
i.e. STEP = get money, SUB-STEP = find job etc. The further you
are away probably means that there are more steps to take.
Order your steps and
sub-steps into a logical sequence.
When you have finished
this task you should now have a clear plan how to achieve ONE
dimension of your "perfect" life. Can you achieve the
steps ? If you can then start - the longest journey begins with
a single step. If the steps are literally IMPOSSIBLE -
then you probably need to redefine your GOAL.
The outcome of this
exercise should be less stress because you have lined up your ACTIONS
with your GOALS, or at least got them a lot closer.
More
on this in the next edition......I'd be interested in your
thoughts so far.....
7.
Finish Off With A Smile
New Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous
he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he
had done. The Monsignor replied,"When I am worried about
getting
nervous on the pulpit, I put a
glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I
start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next
Sunday he
took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a
drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.Upon his return to his
office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1.
Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. Jesus was
consecrated, not constipated.
4. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
5. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the
late J.C.
6. David slew Goliath, he did not
kick the shit out of him.
7. We do not
refer to the cross as the "Big T."
8. The recommended grace before a
meal is not:
Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the
grub, yeah God.
9. Next
Sunday there will be a taffy
pulling contest
at St.Peter's,
not a peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.
:)
