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Poetic Licence
Hello again and welcome to the sixth edition of our
monthly newsletter. I'm very pleased with this edition so please take a
break for five minutes and have a quiet read - there's something for everybody
!
Finally, thank you for your personal support, it is very much appreciated and any feedback (good or bad) will be gratefully received. Please feel free to pass this newsletter on to your friends or colleagues. Thanks again, Allen. 1. The Drink - A thought provoking poem about the dangers of drinking From a very early age society bombards people with various messages that drinking is cool, good for you, will make you attractive etc. etc. This poem hopefully balances some of that propaganda. I remember the Campari ads; "drink this and have a great time", "drink this and be beautiful", "drink this if you need a rhyme".
The people in the adverts, were always young and oh so bright, slim, exciting and attractive, their clothes seemed to fit just right.
But where are they now ? I bet they're drinking even more, because there's plenty the ads didn't say, I think I should even up the score:
Because The Drink is a dreadful thing, it will make you obese and make you fat, and the more that you drink, the more you will drink, it's addictive, it's as simple as that.
And what is that snow in your hair ? I bet you love those little white flakes. Want to get rid of your dandruff ? Staying off the grog is all that it takes.
I know they wheel out their tame doctors, "drink two glasses of red wine every day". Ever wondered who sponsors their research, ever wondered how they get their pay ?
Watch out for that lunchtime drink, it will take your sweet breath away, and when you've had one too many, it's so very hard (hic) to have your say.
The Drink definitely improves your athleticism, you think you're twice as good as you are, there are times you can beat a speeding bullet, but watch out for that falling star.
What a really stupid saying: "Let's have one more for the road", take a life when you've been drinking, and you'll never repay what is owed.
Drink makes you fall over, it's staggering the effect that it has, you simply lose your sense of balance, (and your chic, your style and your pizzazz).
So, please raise your glasses, and find a new circle of friends, because if you're not that careful, the gutter is where your journey ends.
And the seeds of greatness, don't grow in the bottom of a vodka glass, so let's think to your glorious future, and not drink to the glories of your past. Copyright Allen Jesson :) 2001 2. Operation 2020 - A chance for you to get involved in the site. Operation 2020 is a unique opportunity for you to help those less fortunate. The concept is simple: The AGOP site has over 270 poems, jokes and stories. Hopefully, you have enjoyed reading a couple of them. However, these are currently unavailable to people with visual, spelling or reading difficulties, simply because they can't see or identify with the text. This is where you can help. Operation 2020 is about changing all that. By 2002, I plan to have converted this site so that it can be enjoyed by everybody, irregardless of their particular disability or difficulty. I plan to have an option on every poem where a spoken version of the poem is also available. (I also plan to have a site that is designed purely for totally blind people to use, I believe this will be possible by using various rollover techniques. If you have the technical knowledge to achieve this then please get in touch). This will mean an enormous amount of effort and I will fund the significant additional bandwidth that will be necessary. Where I need some help is in the actual recording of the poems, jokes and stories. I am a writer, not a narrator. This is where you come in. How about recording some of these pieces for me ? Or getting your school, church, organization, youth club, (whatever) involved in this very worthwhile project. I would give you total artistic licence for the recording and leave it very much to your own interpretation. It would be special if there was music or sound effects in the background. Can you imagine what you could do with The Unknown Soldier for example ? Maybe the sound of a battle, a train leaving a station, a scared horse, some sad but uplifting music, the list goes on, just use your imagination. In terms of copyright, that would be shared 50/50 for the recording. The copyright for the original poem would obviously stay with me. This is not a commercial venture so there will be no fees paid for the recording. Any revenues generated from the recordings in the future (record deals etc.) will be shared with the relevant artists, (50% of my share would be donated to various charities). So, that's a very quick and rough outline about what Operation 2020 is all about. I hope you are interested and if so, please send me an e-mail here to discuss further and signal the poems that you would be interested in recording. The poems will be allocated on a first come, first served basis so please hurry to avoid disappointment. 3. T-Shirt Gags - One liners to get your t-shirt business off to a great start. "Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam" (seen on Cape Cod) "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old) "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up" "Procrastinate Now" "Rehab Is for Quitters" "My Dog Can Lick Anyone" "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?" "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (on a baby-size shirt) "Finally 21,
and Legally Able to Do Everything "ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING" "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software" "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN" "A hangover is the wrath of grapes" "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance" "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!" MOOSEHEAD: A great beer and a new experience for a moose" "They call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken" "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead" "Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog" "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on." "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH" "A PICTURE IS WORTH
A THOUSAND WORDS, "The Meek shall inherit the earth....after we're through with it." "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." "HAM AND EGGS - A
day's work for a chicken; "The trouble with life is there's no background music." "IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?" "Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!" "The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson." "MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT" "Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit." "Computer programmers know how to use their hardware." "Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research." "My husband and I
divorced over religious differences. 4. Time Management Tip - A Personal Time Survey
To begin managing your time you first need a
clearer idea of how you now use your time. A Personal Time Survey will help
you to estimate how much time you currently spend in typical activities. To
get a more accurate estimate, you might keep track of how you spend your time
for a week. This will help you get a better idea of how much time you need to
achieve your goals. It will also help you identify your time wasters. But for
now complete the Personal Time Survey to get an estimate.
The following survey shows the amount of time you spend on various activities. When taking the survey, estimate the amount of time spent on each item. Once you have this amount, multiply it by seven. This will give you the total time spent on the activity in one week. After each item's weekly time has been calculated, add all these times for the grand total. Subtract this from 168, the total possible hours per week. Here We Go: 1. Number of hours of sleep each night ________ X 7 = _______ 2. Number of grooming hours per day ________ X 7 = _______ 3. Number of hours for meals/snacks per day - include preparation time _______ X 7 = _______ 4a. Total travel time weekdays _______ X 5 = _______ 4b. Total travel time weekends _______ 5. Number of hours per week for regularly scheduled functions (clubs, church, get-togethers, etc.) _______ 6. Number of hours per day for chores, errands, extra grooming, etc. _______ X 7 = _______ 7. Number of hours of work per week _______ 8. Number of hours on hobbies etc. per week _______ 9. Number of average hours per week socializing, dates, etc. _______ Now add up the totals: _______ Subtract the above number from 168 - _______ = _______ The remaining hours are the hours you have allowed yourself to achieve your goals outside of your day to day activity. There are only 168 hours in any one week. More on this in the next issue. 5. Stress Management Tip - The Last Straw Think of the saying "It was the straw that broke the camel's back." It wasn't the weight (or stress) of that final straw that caused the break, but the accumulation of many separate straws. It's the same with stress. So, the first thing to do if you regularly feel stressed is to DO LESS! Simplify. Set priorities. Prevent getting to the breaking point. Next, do something to relax every day. Proven techniques include deep breathing, meditation, tai chi, yoga, journaling, prayer, guided imagery, and/or vigorous exercise. These all help reduce stimulation to the body and mind and regain a deep sense of peace and well-being. Think of them as taking "straws" off the camel's back so there is more room for more without breaking. How to "De-Stress"
6. Enjoy Life Tip - Don't take it too seriously. Don't take life too seriously. That issue that you think is so important - isn't. Next week it will matter less, next year even less. Ten years from now - will you even remember ? One hundred years from now - will it matter ? Ten million years from now ? 7. Finish Off With A Smile - Money, what can it buy you ? It can buy a House but not a HomeIt can buy a Bed but not Sleep It can buy a Clock but not Time It can buy you a Book but not Knowledge It can buy you a Position but not Respect It can buy you Medicine but not Health It can buy you Blood but not Life It can buy you Sex But not Love So you see money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your Friend. And as your Friend, I want to take away your pain and suffering... So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. CASH ONLY PLEASE :)
Ok - the end. I hope you enjoyed this edition, please pass this newsletter on to your friends or colleagues. Thanks again, Allen.
Copyright Allen Jesson :) 2001 www.agiftofpoetry.com |
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